How long can someone with narcissistic tendencies maintain a facade of fake love before their true self is revealed? Is there a specific trigger or amount of time that causes them to reveal their true nature?
08.06.2025 02:26
are you having more bad days with them then good days?
they use the im so overwhelmed bullshit line on you. If they pin their stress or their anger or irritability on you and it feels very wrong. Its because it is
You look for their past rekationships. You look for patterns . Patterns with family, work, how they treat customer service workers, waiters. Watch how they give or recieve gifts … this takes time , coverts are the tricksters of all tricksters but i promise you look for the signs and dont let your guard down. Their actions have to match their words.
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do they have weird relationships with their parents? Mysoginistic? Do they treat you different when they are in public verses at home? Do they treat others differently or even better then you and bo thats not jealousy that is a hallmark.
If the tell you im not a cuddler, i dont like to kiss and i dont like foreplay or ild prefer to have sex and then slerp in another bed - well lets just say intimacy avoidance is something your going to want to figure out because you DONT want your sex life controlled or flat or non existant. You want to go five yrs with an avoidant type? Your relationship will go straight off the rails. Watch for patterns. All cluster b exhibit payterned behaviour and no they dont change
Everything looks perfect, you feel a chemical rush that feels like you and the narc are inseperable and you forget that taking it slow gives you time to really get to know eachother. Sex on date one or date two is not always the best thing for someone who wants to hold back and see what you have in common. Yould be surprised after the discard how little the two of you REALLY had in common.
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are you more anxious now that you are dating them but you dont know why?
if you notice your doing all the work in the relationship red flag
Do they project? Did You catch them flirting and they say no your just too sensitive, your eyes didnt see what you thought you saw and actually maybe you are the one who is too flirty? Nope stick to your guns they love to gas light
how are they with you checking thrir phone? After all you have nothing to hide on yours do not think it is bot your right to randomly just ask to see their phone. I went five years with them taking their phone to the bathroom (no it does not take an hr to poop) , they leave their phone face down. Or they have notifications turned to silent. Do they have it passworded solid? Those that hide nothing from you have nothing to hide. Many a time i wanted to check his lap top and phone and felt lime it would cause a fight if i asked guess what. That was a five year snoke n mirror trick and their would have been a fight alright it would have been me saying pack your bags.
addictions issues or you notice they are over indulging? Lack impulse control?
how are they with money?
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what is their temperment? how do they deal with conflict?
are you isolating more?
often they do not treat pets well or normally …
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you gotta be three steps ahead of them. Do not blindly trust anyone!
beware of multiple f book profiles, multiple emails and do not be afraid to check dating sites when they say they are off
are everyone of their exes bitches or assholes? Or do they sell you the all my relationships had no problems. Sorry real boats rock. Be careful of how far that pendulum swings.
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are you afraid to say your opinion because they will argue or gove you the silent treatment?
If they ruin christmas or bdays or anniversaries - red flag
beware of the folks that tell you they are different from other men or other women
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do you find yourself gratuitously apologizing to them?
are you not permitted to meet their ...
what is their sexual history? Dont be afraid to be a sleuth and ask subtle questions to family and friends about their sating history.
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if they say they dont think they have to say they love you often, they dont often surprise you with thoughtful gifts or show you ways of how much you mean to them, no just because cards or effort into romance , youve got a dudd. Trust me their are those that may not be overtly open with affection and then their are those that outright neglect you. Huge difference
a narc ususally goes in hard and fast , sometimes that “soul mate” bull shit. You are the only one that gets me. They Rush into sex, rush into dating. They dont usually take it slow. Their goal is ownership and that may take the phony presentation of love bombing (not always) , mirroring and grooming.
Well my answer still remains the same around the three months if you do your reading and research you will see tiny red flags, ommissions and have insight into what to look for.
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use boundaries and stick to them
do you start walking in egg shells?
Do they have shady work histories? Shady histories? Shady pasts lacking huge chinks of time? Do they say they have been to other countries yet they know no one there or have no reasonable reason for international or out of state travels? Huge red flags
try saying no
is your relationship one sided? Controlling?
a few things you can try
do your family or friends or colleagues tell you gently something is off with them but you just wave it away or justify their offness? I sure did - for years
do you feel in your gut when they arent with you they are up to no good? Please dont wave this off as you being insecure. Ild rather you fofure it out before you get an std.
how do they feel about you if you take a weekend for yourself or dont text them every day. Its ok to have space and its ok to see how they respond to you having me time. Remember in the beginnjng they go hard/fast , they own, they lust and they mark their territory.
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if you have children and they dont, you cohabitate together and the step parent figure does bot like your kids or shows jealousy or beflect or contempt or blind anger get out. Your kids deserve a happy childhood and if you take the partner over your kids ill promise you you ll regret that choice until the day you die. Your kids are your all do not ever forget that
if they talk alot about themselves or dominate the party or conversation thats a red flag.